When Does the Anger Go Away?
49, F, in very long term “monogomous” (tell you later) relationship. Tested positive July ’04 for high-risk HPV…didn’t even know what HPV was! After Internet crash course, I’m educated.
Knowing HPV is an STD and knowing I’ve only been with w/the same person for 20 yrs, I only had 1 question…how’d I get HPV?!
GYN said not to worry, lots of people have HPV. All info on Internet said, it’s possible to be dormant yrs and don’t be mad at my significant other. Easier said than done.
I cried for 3 days solid while I digested my GYN’s call. I couldn’t even speak, just cried. Everyone thought I had lost my mind. I knew there was no way I could be carrying this virus around for 20 yrs.
Since I couldn’t get myself together, I went to my GP and explained everything. She immediately referred a therapist, gave me an Ativan, wrote a script for Prozac and called my oncologist. You see, I have LEUKEMIA! A cancer that attacks my immune system. Although I’m currently a survivor, my GP wanted to know of any complications because of my compromised immune system after a year of chemo. Conclusion, the only thing we could do now was to watch paps very closely (every 3 mths).
Get this… my GP, therapist and oncologist said no way the virus would have remained dormant with my leukemia. It would have shown-up on my yearly pap/hpv test the year I was sick before I started the chemo or during the year I was undergoing chemo treatments. This had to be a new infection.
Day 4 after finding out, now I’m really MAD, still crying, but now I have to ask my guy where I got HPV from? I didn’t get it by myself.
At first he lied, after 2 horrible days of screaming and crying, he confessed that he had picked someone up on a trip to New Orleans 8 mths prior. But he didn’t believe that he could have gotten anything because he used a condom!
Day 5 I saw my therapist and told her what he told me, she conferred with my GP and told me a condom doesn’t protect against HPV!
This all happened a year ago. I saw a therapist for several months, but since I lost my job while I was going through chemo, we couldn’t afford her, so I stopped. I stayed on the Prozac until mid-Spring and am still taking Ativan for frequent panic attacks.
My paps (every 3 months) keep coming back abnormal and I’ve had 2 coposcopies. Next step is to see a GYN/oncologist specialist.
I’m still with my significant other, but everything about our relationship has changed, I question every moment we’ve ever been apart and whether he was always messing around.
I’m still REALLY angry at him for doing this to US.
Knowing that there are so many people out there with HPV does NOT make me feel any better. He betrayed me, he betrayed 20 yrs of our life together?
Five yrs ago I contracted Genital Herpes…at the time, my GYN and I attributed it to a mouth sore that he developed the day or so after he had performed oral sex on me. She said it IS possible to transmit HSV in this way…now I wonder. I have to take daily Valtrex because my leukemia allows the virus to thrive without treatment.
I’m thinking about leaving him, but will the grass be any greener on the other side of the fence, I’m 49 yrs old, have cancer, HSV and HPV! At least if I stay with him, I’ll still have the house, gardens, hobbies and pets and I can remain on “sabbatical” indefinitely and let him pay the bills.
Seriously depressed
