Just found out my boyfriend has HPV
Hello. just found out my boyfriend has HPV (genital warts). Actually he has known for over 5 years…we have been dating for almost that amount of time. Though I was disappointed I could also understand his shame and his reluctance to bring it up…..especially once time went on. He told me yesterday and we have always used a condom. I never really understood why he was so adamant about using one but now this answers all my questions. Am I crazy not to be completely mad at him? I guess I put myself in his shoes and understand how the subject could have at first been avoided and then as time went on it was harder and harder to bring up. Anyways, he was convinced and scared that I was going to break up with him. We have reached that critical point of marriage and he basically told me yesterday that the only hold back for him was telling me this information. I feel like I should be absolutely furious with him but I am not. I just love him so much and I know that this has been tearing him up for years.
Any input?
Well…………..all I can say is yes it was kinda bad of him to not tell you 5 years ago, but at least he was willing to do everything short of that to protect you. Wish my partner had been more responsible but i’m over that now. A relationship is all about acceptance…..because we cannot be 100% all the time……..sounds to me like it will withstand this trial……….
Sounds like you truly love him and weather it’s HPV or another illness or problem it will not change your feelings for him………just follow your heart……
Yes I do love him very much and I had to put myself in his position and understand how someone could make this one bad decision. He was real adamant about using a condom so now i know why. I just feel bad because he is so ashamed of getting the virus. I keep reminding him that it is extremely common….from what I read on the internet is one of the most common STDs. I think he just feels real ashamed of his actions which hurts me to see him hurting too.
You said it, if you love him, why worry?
So you have been having protected sex for 5 years and never had an abnormal pap?
Those are really good news, maybe HPV is not easily transmitted, with protection…
I’d be furious. Do you realize that the chances of you not having HPV are slim to none, I hate to be a kill joy, and I know I’ve said this before but….condoms or not you can get HPV. It’s your relationship though, and only you can decide if you can forgive him for not telling you.
Yes I am definately disappointed and annoyed at him but I guess I love him too much to end it with him. I can see how he made this terrible mistake and just don’t see why I should spend my life being bitter at him when I know we both have a very stong bond. The way i measured it is that i can see myself making the same mistake….although I do not agree with what he did i can see how it happened.
Since you asked for opinions about your situation, I will give you mine based on the info you have provided. The way I see it is, he only told you had HPV because it was getting in his way of going to another level of committment in the relationship. He also kept his having HPV from you because that would have gotten in his way of having a relationship with you. Now he wants you to obsolve him of his quilt. How special is that…(said dripping with sarcasm) It’s always all about him and his wants. What you want and need will always come second at best to anything he wants or needs.
He waited 5 years before his guilty conscience got the better of him and he confessed. He knew better than to do what he did, but did it anyway. How peachy is that….phlttttt. Why marry a man who lies and decieves you and puts you second best?!?!
You claim you love him so much that you can see it from his point of view. What has love got to do with it?!?!. Nothing…that’s what. It’s not a question of love, it’s a matter of respect. Any man that would deliberately keep a secret like that for 5 years knowing he was putting you at risk has nothing at all to do with respect. As a matter of fact is has everything to do with control and disrespect. People don’t tell you what they are, they show you what they are. And your boyfriend has shown you beyond a doubt that he comes first, no matter what the consequences might be to you.
You can’t get angry with your bf, because you are up to your neck in the river of denial. I hope denial works very well for you, because if you marry your boyfriend, you will have to live in that river of denial. You must also need to be very content with being second best or less at all times, because selfish people like that don’t change. When you get married the person either stays the same or gets worse,they don’t improve… make no mistake about that.
This great boyfriend of yours is really nothing but a selfish person who lacks integrity. You need to see him for what he really is, and not what you wish and hope him to be. Any man who treats you like a second class citizen doesn’t love you, no matter what he says. Selfish creeps are a dime a dozen.. nothingspecial about them at all.
You saw red flags in his behavior, you chose to ignore them. Ignoring red flags is the kiss of future misery. You need to wise up before you tie yourself legally to such a future. It’s much harder to clean up from the mess than to avoid it. As for 5 years of going out….. well, if it takes you that long to decided if the person is right for you to marry that tells you a lot.